Challenges And Sticking Points
I have read quite a few other posts on sarging waitresses. The common SPs basically boil down to:
1. She is busy and there is limited time to sarge.
2. It can be difficult to tell when the server is interested in you or just flirting for tips.
3. They get hit on by dirty men all the time and are annoyed by it.
I personally reframe these in a way so that none of them are SPs:
1. There is less pressure to keep the conversation going and I have all the time in the world of what to say next to her. Or, I use this...
Reframing technique for "She is too busy to be attracted to me."
a) Is this girl busy at work right now? Yes
b) Is her busy job causing her stress right now? Yes
c) Can my sarging put her in a more healthy and enjoyable state? Yes!
2. Take the 'it's always on' frame. Take everything she says as REAL flirting.
3. The dirty men give me an advantage because I actually understand what to say and how to act around women. So they will be pleasantly surprised when they meet me.
Reframing technique for "This girl is annoyed at being hit on all the time."
a) Is this girl being hit on constantly? Yes
b) Are most of these lame pick up attempts by AFCs? Yes
c) Would she be happy hearing from a cool original guy like me? Yes!
Lastly, take the frame of the restaurant owner, not a patron. Think about how you would act at the table if this was YOUR joint.
Common Mistakes
Based on personal experience and forums reading, the most common mistakes when it comes to waitresses are:
1) Sarging for too long at a time. I used to try to keep the server at my table for as long as possible. Even is she is into you, the problem is that she is not getting her work done. Other customers get impatient, her manager can get on her ass, and suddenly your vibe with her is killed because she is in shitty state. Rather than sarging for long periods, I try to see her as many times as possible. More on that in a bit...
2) Over negging. I used to neg servers quite a bit, but I have found it to be counter-productive. Put yourself in her shoes. How would you feel if you were a 120 lb cutie serving a bunch of alpha males who are making fun of you all the time? That stuff is going to take its toll. Personally, I never neg my server more than once and it's normally a soft neg if anything. I am always C&F, C&P, but I go easy on the negs.
3) Premature close. If you go for a number at the wrong time, it will backfire. So I never announce my close attempt in front of others. Otherwise, it looks badly on her to her management. I try to find her while she away from the dining area, like when is ringing in food or something. I smile and subtly pass her a piece of paper with my name, a catch phrase related to our conversation, and my phone number. Then I follow with a simple 'Call me.'
Basic Strategy
My first goal is to have as many interactions with her during dinner as possible. For a typical restaurant dinner, you will have an average of 6 visits from your server: i) first greeting with drink orders; ii) drink serving and food order; iii) food serving; iv) food follow-up (how is everything?); v) table clearing; vi) bill brought. I make sure that I make the most of each of these visits. I am memorable and demonstrate value every time I see her.
I have found that increasing the number of visits is more efficient than keeping her at your table for longer. Couple reasons for this: i) the more times she sees you, the more she feels like she knows you; ii) she will not be held up from serving her other tables.
I typically increase the number of visits by:
- ordering appetizers and/or dessert;
- finishing my drinks quickly to get more refills;
- staying after dinner for coffee and/or drinks; and
- paying with credit card and/or requiring change.
Just be sure to have a reason for staying for longer, otherwise you are just occupying space at one of her tables and costing her tip money, which is REALLY annoying to servers!
My next goal is to be as memorable as possible for most of the interactions.
Servers see a lot of dudes in a day. Many of them are PUA wannabes. I try to be as different from every other guy as possible. I try to show as many sides of my personality as possible (i.e., alpha male athletic cocky guy, funny guy, sweet guy, adventurous guy, intellectual guy, sexual guy, etc). To mix it up, I will also have at least one interaction where I hardly say anything. This keeps her guessing and even makes her question herself a bit.
Sample Routine
I've been using this recently with pretty good success....
Greeting
HBWaitress: Hey how you guys doing?
PUA: Hey, have you seen the new Harry Potter movie yet?
HBW: No I haven't.
PUA: Oh thank GOD! I thought I was the only one! Don't understand the hype. Interesting place you have here. What's on tap?
HBW: Bud, Coors light, etc
PUA: Cool. I will have an ice tea please.
Wait for rest of table to order.
Bringing Drinks
HBW: OK. Here are your drinks, guys.
PUA: Wow, you are quick! You might make a good sidekick for me. Do you have any super powers besides your blazing speed? (credit: Harmless)
HBW: haha
PUA: I like it. Your powers of laughing will disarm our mortal enemies. With your quicks and my brains will be unstoppable crime fighters!
HBW: hahaha
PUA: Woah, save some for the powers of evil!
HBW: OK. Are you guys ready to order?
PUA: Would you recommend the steak or the ribs?
HBW: Ummm. Probably the steak.
PUA: Very good, side-quick. I will take the ribs. (credit: Lowesteem)
HBW: haha. OK. Would you like fries or baked potatoe with that?
PUA: What do you recommend?
HBW: Well, I really like the fries here.
PUA: Hmmmm. I'm going to trust you this time. Fries please.
HBW: Ok, great (smiling)
PUA: Hey, I have a quick favour to ask. The last few servers dropped the ball on this, but I was hoping you could help me out and bring me some extra french fries?
HBW: Yeah, sure. No problem.
PUA: You are the best, side-quick (smiling).
Wait for her to take the rest of the order.
Refill 1 Request
HBW: Can I grab you another ice tea?
PUA: You know, I have an intuition about you.
HBW: What's that?
PUA: Well it looks like your busy right now, so I'll tell you when you're free.
(credit: sync)
NOTE: I never follow up on this unless she asks. In which case, I just use some generic cold reads like: 'I feel like you are the type of person that works hard at what you do and you sometimes feel unappreciated for it.'
HBW: OK.
PUA: And yes, please on the re-fill.
HBW: No problem.
Bringing Refill 1
HBW: Here is your refill.
PUA: Thanks.
Immediately and enthusiastically jump back into conversation with my friends.
Refill 2 Request
HBW: Sucking that ice tea right back, huh? Can I grab you-?
PUA: psst, come here (motioning for her to come closer to you while looking side to side like you are about to assign her the secret combat mission of her life)
HBW (whispering): What is it?
PUA (whispering): What is the status on the french fry operation?
HBW: I am right on top of it!
PUA (louder): Excellent! Another ice tea would be awesome. Thanks.
Bringing Refill 2
HBW: One ice tea.
PUA: Hey side-quick, how's the night treating you, my friend?
HBW: It's busy, but can't complain.
PUA: Cool. Busy means more tips though, no?
HBW: Very true. That's what gets me through the night.
PUA: You might want to stop flirting with your favourite customers and get back to work then (sly smile).
HBW: Ok.
Bringing Food
HBW: Ok, I have the ribs with extra fries for you.
PUA: Oh I love you, side-quick. You know what, I would marry you. Except, last time I dated a server, I gained 15 lbs from all the food she brought home to me, so I promised myself I would never date a server again.
HBW: haha. Aw that's too bad.
PUA: It is, but I am not going to let it effect our crime fighting unit, side-quick. I promise.
HBW: Well that's good to hear.
Wait for her to serve the rest of the table and begin eating
Food Follow-up
HBW: How is everything guys?
PUA: You know what I was just thinking? Considering the amount of drunken old men that come by this place to hit on the servers, you are still surprisingly nice.
HBW: Thanks
PUA: No prob. All is good so far, thanks.
Table Clear
HBW: How did everything taste?
PUA: I was pleasantly surprised actually. Well done on the french fry assignment. You know, I never do this and I hope you don't think this is too forward... [brief pause to raise tension]... but I am upgrading you to from side kick to deputy.
HBW: haha. I'm honoured.
PUA: You should be. That's a big deal!
HBW (smiling): Can I get some of these plates out of your way guys?
PUA: Sure.
HBW: Can I get anything else for you guys?
PUA: Yeah I was hoping you'd ask. I noticed next door that they have some plasma screens on sale for $12,000. So if could pick me up one of those, that would be solid.
HBW: [playful punch]. I meant anything else to eat or drink?
PUA: But you said anything! OK, fine. But you are being demoted back to side-quick.
HBW: Aw. Really?
PUA: Yeah, but you may be able to work your way back to deputy if you play your cards right. Personally, I am stuffed, so if you could just bring that bill, that would be awesome.
HBW: No problem.
Bringing Bill
HBW: Rib and fries.
PUA: Thanks, side-quick. Hey what do you do for fun in this town?
HBW: Nothing crazy. Mostly read and watch movies.
PUA: That's awesome. I can see it now. Your friends are all gearing up for a crazy night of partying and dancing and you are all 'Sorry guys. I've got to finish this chapter of Harry Potter.'
HBW: haha. Well I go out partying on occasion.
PUA: Ah! I knew it! So where do you go?
HBW: [lists a bars and clubs: X, Y, Z]
PUA: Get out! We were just going to check out X this weekend! Maybe we will see you there!
HBW: Maybe!
Close
I approach her somewhere away from the dining room. I make EC, smile and subtly pass her a piece of paper that reads:
Vaoncan "Friend and Protector to My Faithful Side-quick"
cell: xxx-xxx-xxxx
Then I follow with a simple 'Call me.'
Guidelines For Sarging Your Waitress
1. Just like sarging other hired guns, it really helps to befriend as much of the staff as possible. Make friends with all of the servers, bartenders, managers, bus boys, security, and DJs. Arrive during slow times just to order drinks and chat them up. Take a genuine interest in them and make them interested in you.
2. Learn her name or nickname her. Most times she will give her name on the greeting. Otherwise, if she has a name tag, read it from there. Worst case scenario, ask her name. Then refer to her by her name or nickname from then on.
3. Be the leader at your table. Being the alpha male of your peer group is very attractive. Be the first one to speak. Don't AMOG or tool the rest of your table, but use your body language to demonstrate that you are a leader. Playfully push your friends in a dominant way. Take their jokes and exaggerate their points to make them your own.
4. Be short and quick. No matter how good your game is, you cannot keep her at your table for long. She will either get annoyed, in trouble from managers, or both.
5. Be stacked full of one-liners. You should have enough one-liners in your toolbox to say at least one really interesting thing every time she visits you.
6. Keep yourself clean of food. Food on your clothes or in your teeth during conversation will kill attraction pretty quickly. If you know you are a messy eater (like me), make a couple of trips to the restroom.
7. Keep your breath fresh. Pop a breath mint before speaking to your server, especially if you are eating fish, spicy food, or drinking beer.
8. Use basic restaurant terminology and language. Just using words like 'starter', 'entrée', 'a la carte' , or 'ring in' can be helpful. Ask her how many tables she has on a busy night. Ask her about the table numbering system. This is a nice rapport technique because it shows you have an interest and/or knowledge in what she does.
9. Don't make fun of her serving ability unless it is something she is obviously good at so she KNOWS you are joking. For example, if the food comes out quick, ask "Wow, you realize we have been waiting more than 2 minutes for our steaks?".
10. Unless there is pubic hair or rat shit in your food, don't complain. Servers get people complaining non-stop, and they hate it! So be the exception. Suck it up. Be fun, not anal.
11. Use good table manners. Don't talk with your mouth full. It's alpha, yes. So if it works for you, great. But in my experience bad table manners do more bad than good.
12. Close by scheduling a day 2 or giving your number. Even if your game is tight, number closes are really fucking hard with waitresses. Asking for a number puts her in a tough spot because it can reflect badly on her if she gives her number out in front of other staff and customers. Servers also get numbers left for them all the time. Even if she keeps your number, she may not even remember you. The best close is to give your number with a catch phrase or arrange for a casual day 2. Invite her to a party or something fun where lots of your friends will be there.
13. Tip 15-20%. Anything more than 20% is supplication. Anything less than 15% is cheap. Anything in between is good.
14. Refer to 'waitresses' as 'servers.'
Other Material Examples
FALSE DISQUALIFIERS
"Don't get too attached, our real GF's are meeting us later." (credit: 60 years of challenge)
NEGS
Again, I try to keep these to a minimum, but here are few I've had some success with...
"You look like you could use a nap."
"You look like you need a break."
"You are very pretty for a waitress."
"Here" [discretely hand her a napkin while pointing to the side of your face - motioning like she has some food smeared on her face].
PUA: Busy day?!
HB: Totally.
PUA: I can tell. Your hair is all over the place!
(credit: sync)
C&F
"You should probably stop flirting with us and get back to your other tables."
"You're fired. Tell that girl over there [pointing to nearest server] that she is our server now."
Cut off each of her threads and instantly invite her to a new one.
Example:
HB: Can I get you guys something to drink?
PUA: Have you seen the transformers movie yet?
(credit: TD)
"You can't stay away from us. Something tells me we are going to be seeing you again real soon. I can see it in your eyes." (credit: Zan)
JOKES
Pretend to be an old dirty man that out at a sports bar hitting on waitresses behind his wife's back. As long as they KNOW you are joking, they LOVE this because they fucking hate getting that shit from creepy men. If you can make fun of the old awkward gross guys that hit on them, they will love you for it. EVERY single waitress can identify with this. Very tough to calibrate this, but if you can do it right, it will work wonders.
Order something ridiculous. Or order something normal and ask for it without something that it would never be served with. Examples:
"Yes, I will have the spaghetti, but would it be possible to get that without the bones?"
"I will have the vegetarian t-bone steak please."
"Hey nice buns" (when she has hot dog or a burger)
"Nice jugs" (when she has a carton of milk in her hand)
(credit: Aviking)
GAMES
Any regular game in your toolbox that takes 2 minutes or less is good. Examples: Strawberry Fields, Refrigerator Game, Lying Game, The Wall And The Forest, Roller Coaster, etc. These work especially well if the restaurant is dead and she looks bored.
It's easiest to set a game up if you act like your table was just playing it before she arrived. Act like it's the coolest thing ever and you HAVE to play it on her.
KINO
This is an area I have yet to master with waitresses, but here is one technique that has worked fairly well for me.
Tell her she looks like she could use a break. Stand up and tell her to take your seat while she takes your order. As you stand up and offer your seat, place your hand on her back and gently guide her toward your seat. I love this bit because it's pretty original, thoughtful, a neg, and kino all rolled into one. They rarely take me up on my offer, but they always seem grateful.
COMPLIMENTS
"So, you are a not only the cutest girl working here, you are also the best server. You must have patrons at each other's throats to be seated in your section."
"Considering the amount of drunken old men that come by this place to hit on the servers, you are still surprisingly fun and polite."
QUALIFYING QUESTIONS
"How is your night going?"
"If you could serve in any restaurant on the planet besides here, what would it be?"
"Have you served anyone famous here?"
"If you could serve dinner to any person on the planet, who would it be?"
"If you could choose anyone in the world to manage this bar/restaurant, who would it be?"
"So, what do people compliment you on besides your looks?" (credit: 60 years of challenge)
CLOSES
Ask when she works next.
Invite her to a party.
That's it! Now go out to eat tonight and give this a shot!
Good luck,
Vaoncan
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